Are Black women giving up on Black men?


In the latest urban movies, “Best Man Holiday” and “A Madea’s Christmas,” I thought it was interesting that each featured a Black woman in a relationship with a White man.

In today’s climate we are used to successful Black men dating White women but the introduction of the successful Black woman and White men is a new twist in movies.

Since the appointment of President Obama and his lovely wife Michelle, I’ve recognized the relatively new influx of looks I get from Caucasian professionals giving me that ‘I think Michelle is hot and you are too’ look.

While there is absolutely nothing wrong with interracial dating, I find it odd that two major productions released during the holidays chose to represent these images.

Offer the alternative
I believe Hollywood is offering an alternative to go along with the national attack on Black men.  In most of our minds, the image of the Black Man is tarnishing, but the Black woman has always stayed by the Black man – up until now. Look at the pit bull in a skirt, Rapper Eve who recently accepted a marriage proposal from British Fashion Designer Maximillion Cooper. Eve is a perfect indication that even the toughest home girl is changing her tune.  Why would the former girlfriend of “Love and Hip Hop” star Stevie J leave America for the American Dream?

One has to wonder has the Black woman begun to throw in the towel along with the rest of America? Why shouldn’t we? Black men are not breaking their necks to make sure we stay within the comforts of their midst. In fact, it’s the opposite: 72 percent of Black children are being raised in single-family homes, according to the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development. That’s a statistic that says we are not planning for families; it also suggests that we don’t think it’s an important goal, and we are not making very wise decisions.

Time to play catch up
We can always argue all of the obstacles in the way of Black men hinder them from being completely focused and successful husbands, fathers and sons, but what are they doing about it? Are we as Black women supposed to stick around and wait until these men turn 70 and realize they should have treated the women in their life better?

Or should we begin to think about catching up with the rest of the society we live in and demand sustainable relationships and marriages.

As UC Berkeley Sociologist Gerald Mendelson said, Blacks are interested in moving up the power structure and one way you do is through intermarriage with a dominant group. It is almost like Black women are beginning to reject the unnecessary madness we seem to get when we relentlessly dedicate ourselves to that life.  The whole world would like to see the Black man overcome his obstacles and be all that he is destined to be. But it’s nothing compared to the heart of the Black woman who knows the soul of a Black man. His own fear of success hinders his movements and his decisions; his insecurities overpower his will to venture into the unknown.

And where does that leave the Black woman?  Desolate, out of place, unprotected and searching for her missing piece. For years, we have carried the weight; prison sentences, infidelity, verbal and physical abuse, thinking one day that he will see that we have sacrificed, see that we understand and have held the torch without fail. But no. The pain is too deep for him to bear, he is not comfortable being naked in his vulnerability, he wants to be the man, he wants what they took from him. It occupies his every move and we become objects in his quest to find what he doesn’t know he is looking for. SMH, I expect more out of you Black man, more accountability, more responsibility, more effort, more love. Thank you in advance.

Jineea Butler, founder of the Social Services of Hip Hop and the Hip Hop Union is a Hip Hop Analyst. She can be reached at or Tweet her at @flygirlladyjay.



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